Strangely Warmed

Friday, June 23, 2006

Church Splits Over Chord Change

Tempe – It was a clear, mid-summer, Southwestern Sunday morning in Tempe, Arizona. For worshipers at Tempe Community Wesleyan Church, it was a Sunday just like any other. That was until Mike Jonesboro, TCWC’s full-time worship leader, took the stage...

Jonesboro, 29, had been the worship leader of TCWC for over 4 years, securing the position after graduating with a B.S. in Biblical Studies from Bethany Bible College in Sussex, New Brunswick. Long time senior pastor, Tony Divers, provided some background:

“Yeah, Mike was a great kid. He came out of Bethany fired up for Jesus and really put that energy into the music here. You could really see his passion when he’d lead us in “It is Well with My Soul.” However, after four years of doing the same stuff week after week, I think he simply got burned out.”

To help their young and struggling worship minister, the LBA approved Jonesboro to attend Momentum ‘06, a weekend of training, idea-sharing and equipping designed specifically for worship pastors. Apparently, Jonesboro returned a changed man. Divers, again:

“When he came back, it was like there was a new Mike. He finally spoke up at the LBA meetings, jabbering on about new ideas and exciting programs he’d like to implement.”

Looking around nervously, Divers continued: “He even raised the issue of having a “vision” for the direction and content of our worship. Can you believe that?!? Well, I guess I should have seen right there that trouble was a’brewin’.”

The next Sunday, Jonesboro took the stage and led the congregation in a round of the usual gospel hymns. Everything seemed normal until Jonesboro began playing “Amazing Grace.” Immediately, several of the more musically-inclined members of the congregation noticed that something was wrong.

Emile Gattaway, 73, was one of these. Shakily, she recounted: “When he started off [the song], it was clear that he was playing faster than normal. At first I thought it was due to his youth, or perhaps he’d just begun at the wrong tempo. But...I’m sorry, it’s still hard to speak about..then IT happened.”

The “IT” to which Ms. Gattaway referred was the substitution of a C#m7 chord for an E on the third line of the second verse.

Ms. Gattaway, again: “When I heard the C#m7 chord, my heart almost stopped. For an instant, I thought that the rapture had come, I was so scared.”

However, Ms. Gattaway’s horror didn’t stop there. From the C#m7, Jonesboro continued through a quick progression of G#msus to F#m7 to E to A, failing to resolve on the “1" chord. From the A chord, Jonesboro launched into an entirely new bridge that, as sources later confirmed, was written by Jonesboro himself and did not constitute a part of the original hymn.

Divers explained the scene: “When Mike hit those chords and went into the bridge, I was truly concerned for my church. As I looked around, there was absolute chaos. No one was singing, but many were angrily staring at Jonesboro up on stage. Others were trying to get to the aisles, I assume, to rush the stage. And in the back, a few of the older ladies had swooned from over-stimulation. What else could I do? I stopped the song right there.”

In a flurry, Divers, accompanied by two LBA members, grabbed Jonesboro from the stage and escorted him from the building, locking the door.

Although the excitement was quickly contained and extinguished, the events of that day had serious repercussions. Many questioned Divers’ leadership, openly inquiring as to his spiritual fitness to lead the church while allowing such controversy to break out during worship service. Others supported the pastor, choosing to blame “devil contemporary choruses” and liberal arts colleges. And still others, albeit anonymously, indicated that they enjoyed Jonesboro “interpretation,” one unsigned comment card even going so far as to claim that Jonesboro’s version was better than the original.

The controversy generated over Jonesboro’s musical scandal steadily escalated over the next few months. FCWC eventually split and another congregation was formed.

Divers thoughtfully lamented the past months: “You know, I’m really sad about the split. A lot of good people were seduced to leave this place. But, you know, it just goes to show you not to mess with the holy things of God. I mean, look at Uzzah in the Old Testament. He only tried to touch the ark, and God struck him dead. It’s the same way with our hymns–don’t mess with ‘em. “Amazing Grace” has been sung the same way for thousands of years. Why is that? Because God wants it that way, that’s why. If an E chord was good enough for Peter, Paul, Mary and Jesus, you better believe it’s good enough for us.”

Divers concluded: “Our intentions were good in sending Mike to the conference. We wanted him to come back energized–we wanted him to bring back some passion and excitement. Unfortunately, he only brought back the devil’s music. The fad with these conferences nowadays is to make worship “modern” and “relevant.” That’s a bunch of garbage. Democrats and homosexuals are modern, but you better believe we’re not going to tolerate them. Why should we do the same thing with our hymns? It just doesn’t make sense.”

The remnant body of TCWC has yet to find a replacement for Mike Jonesboro. Instead, they worship weekly to audio cassette recordings of The Gaithers.

Jonesboro is now the chapel music director at Huntington University, a Christian liberal arts college in Indiana.

10 Comments:

At 2:57 PM , Blogger Deviant Monk said...

Anonymous- I am so pleased that you have taken the time to post an obvious and anonymous link to your site, which must be lame since apparently the only way you can get people to go there is by randomly stumbling on to blogs and posting a link. I would visit your site, but the sheer boredom related to doing so, coupled with the lameness of the site, would cause the universe to collapse on itself. I don't wish to do that to the universe...

 
At 5:26 PM , Blogger Jim said...

Where do I begin? I am having a hard time believing you didn't make this one up.

If true, all I can say is sad, sad, sad.

 
At 2:32 PM , Blogger Mofast said...

a few of the older ladies had swooned from over-stimulation.

I too am guilty of this.
I was not aware, however, of "contemporary Christian music" other than the Gaithers. This must be just another fictional element of your satirical writing. Good on ya.
C#m7 indeed!

Oh yeah, I just happened on your blog. Nice work friend! I hope you become self actualized due to your writing. Speaking of self, I wanted to point you to my blog mofastmanna . Thank you.

 
At 10:38 PM , Blogger Exist-Dissolve said...

jim--

Read the "About" section.

Mofast--

Yes, there is contemporary Christian music beyond the Gaithers although it is, admittedly, quite underground and relegated to the most tangential of Christain devotees (supposed devotees, that is...). The C#m7 is one of their most incisive weapons against the hegemony of "church as usual."

 
At 10:39 PM , Blogger Exist-Dissolve said...

Mofast--

I, for one, completely respect self-promotion. Welcome to the "Links" section!

 
At 1:40 PM , Blogger thegreatswalmi said...

absolute hilarity. having pastored for a year or two in a wesleyan church, i really resonate with a lot of what is said here, particularly the chagrin at some chord changing. Sure, it's ok for a jazzed-up offertory or something like that, but come on, in the SINGING? you gotta be kidding me. plus, as everyone knows, if you really want to make it pop, it's gotta be a d minor, the saddest of all keys.

 
At 7:08 PM , Blogger Deviant Monk said...

I've heard F#m is the saddest of all keys

 
At 2:22 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:47 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

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I do not know what to give for Christmas of the to friends, advise something ....

 
At 3:00 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 

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